Jacob Johnson
Dr. Tinberg
ENG 101 - A07
10/4/10
“find x”
(University of Chicago Application Question—Option 1)
For centuries, sojourners have sought to find the Holy Grail. Throughout various
forest, swamps and mountains countless hunters have strived to find the evasive Bigfoot.
Fruitlessly, thousands upon thousands of anguished children have struggled to find Waldo. Today, however, we turn the discussion to a much more significant and relevant search. That is, “find x”. “Why is this question so important?” you may ask. On this topic rests the burden of whether or not I get accepted into your excellent establishment. While I seek my ideal college, you seek your ideal student. To discover if this match is meant to be, we will begin our quest to find x.
Before we can uncover the truth of x, we must establish the context. To a pirate,
Finding x signifies the discovery of buried treasure. If you’re a student, x most
likely marks the answer to a headache-inducing algebra problems. Or, if you are one of all too many Americans, your x is someone you avoid at all costs. Semantics aside, x symbolizes an unknown—the essence of an ideal we seek to understand. Ultimately, x represents a mystery—an answer we seek to discover.
Naturally, while answers are important things to have, we must first have a question. Without a question answer means nothing—likewise, without an overarching focus, reason or goal, x also is pointless. Essentially, it is impossible to find x if we don’t know what we are looking for. This is the significance of a greater question. Without seeking out difficult questions, we will never learn to truly grow in knowledge or understanding. Likewise, if we are to ever find x, the underlying question is critical.
For Hamlet, this question was “To be, or not to be”. For me, however, the question was not “to be”, but rather “where to be?”—specifically for the next two years of my education. The answer was clear—x is a place in the Chicago University class of 2012. This is not merely an idle goal, but rather my motivation—the driving force each and every key stroke. To be blunt, my point is that while finding x is important, we cannot stop there. If the answer to our question becomes apparent, should it not then change our actions? Can a question be worth asking in the first place, if the answer has no propensity to alter our path?
Stripping away the philosophy and rhetoric, finding x simply is finding our goals. x began as an unknown, but it has become knowledge, and that knowledge cannot remain static, but must itself become a focal point for our efforts. Finding the University of Chicago is but one x among many in my life. I pursue it, because I know here I will be equipped and empowered to continue in this process. A process not of casual musing, but a dynamic process to continually and repeatedly “find x.”
So far I am fairly pleased with it. Not because I believe my writing is exceptional, but rather, I feel like my ideas have come forward in a clear, logical way.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest concern with my approach, is that the 500 word limit would hinder my ability to develop this idea. However, like I mentioned, I do not believe this was the case.
The introductory paragraph is not quite ground breaking, but I believe its simple and off-beat style should gain the readers attention enough until they the topic. Once they hit the topic, I believe sheer interest in the topic will hold their attention 'til the end.
At this point in time, I am not sure of what else needs to be done. Certainly, the vocabulary could use honing in some areas. Overall however, I am struggling to think of improvements—mainly due to my ignorance as a writer.
Lastly, I would love to know how easy/difficult it is for readers to follow the logic of the paper. Due to its abstract nature, the essay is very idea driven. Thus, is the logic doesn't flow, than the paper won't float.
Hi Jacob:
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, my "hat" is off to you and others who have tried to respond to this prompt. It is really challenging. I appreciate the risk involved.
I also want to add my observation that your phrasing has a sophistication that I find quite promising.
Okay, now to the difficulty that I and likely other reads might experience here. I sense the need here for some grounding experience or set of exemplars that will provide points of entry for your readers. In simple terms, I find the draft so far to be quite abstract, as I know you do. I'm not saying that the paper lacks "idea," but rather a point of entry for others. Note also that I'm not suggesting that you need to write in an autobiographical mode, if you choose not to. You might, for example, bring in an observation from the natural world in which "x" is found with great struggle.
I don't pretend to have the panacea here but can only register my desire for some ground upon which to stand.
Why the shift to "you"? “Why is this question so important?” you may ask
Do you wish to address the college directly? Take care that you don't appear to be, well, too "forward," okay? Note, by the way, that "you" shifts to designate someone else (generalized reader?) later on.
note fragment? A process not of casual musing, but a dynamic process to continually and repeatedly “find x.”
note agreement problem? a headache-inducing algebra problems.
I apologize for posting this a day late.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to the actual essay, I believe you are saying. That the lack of practical (even relatable) examples make the essay hard to connect with. Essentially, while the idea is developed well, it is too conceptual.
You don't claim to have a magical solution to the problem, however you can explain the problem and are sure that it might be challenging to other readers.
Also, there are a few gramattical errors which need amending.
You ask about he shift to "you". I would be addressing the college directly at that point. From the nature of their essay topics, it seem that the college isn't looking for the average essay. While it might be too forward to dirrectly address the college like that, I am not sure it would be a mistake. Considering all the application essays that would be read, I think it would be a good attempt to stand out. I certainly agree it could be pushing the envelop, but from an application standpoint, I think the risk may be worth it.
Thanks for your comments, they definitely are insightful.