Jacob Johnson
Dr. Tinberg
ENG 101 - A07
9/20/10
“This I Believe”
I was an average 14 year boy, plucked out of my comfort zone, and seeing the world through new eyes. I was in Honduras to do short term mission work with a small team. Not only was it my first time doing this type of work, but also my first time out of the country. Tirelessly we did construction work for most of the week, helping to build a nursing home. On the last work day however, we bypassed the construction site for darker destination. We were going to the Tegucigalpa city dump. It is here that hundreds of homeless Hondurans lived day to day, endlessly searching the filth for anything of worth. Worst of all, I couldn’t do anything for these people other than to give them a simple meal.
As the bus pulled into the dump, the sight was as revolting as I could imagine. Vultures polluted the sky with a black cloud. Surrounded by mounds of filth, I was crippled with nausea . Those steps it took to get off the bus were some of the hardest steps of my life. “People cannot live here” I kept telling myself, but the poorly constructed cardboard shelters were there to prove me wrong. Mere yards away from me were desperate parents—starving children—hopeless lives. It was here that I witnessed the human spirit in a state of utter brokenness.
That night I sat outside, staring at the city in the distance. Tegucigalpa was illuminated with thousands of lights in the distance, as if the night sky had fallen in the valley below. I was alone with my thoughts in seemingly endless contemplation—calculating questions—coming to conclusions—consumed by this conviction. We always hear people say “Be thankful for what you have, because there are people in the world who have nothing”—that day, I didn’t hear the truth, I felt it. For the first time, I realized how good my life really was.
I believe that I am greatly blessed. I have a roof over my head, plenty of food, a healthy family and uncountable luxuries. They say that the shadow proves the sunlight. After seeing my fellowman, writhing in the darkest corner of the world, I know how bright the light truly is. For me, dissatisfaction would always come easily, but that has changed. In Honduras, I set out to give a week of work, but gained something much greater. Through these new eyes, I have a fresh perspective. I can see the light for what it is. Though my life may not be perfect, I know how much I truly have.
Hi Jacob:
ReplyDeleteI like this draft: the writing is clear and fluent. The subject is serious and compelling.
The belief that you state is clear as well, although, as you imply, approaches cliche. The challenge for you is to show how your experience transcends the cliche. In other words, what you should do is show in even more vivid ways what you say at a key moment. Let the scene (and players) speak. Use even more descriptive detail to single out an individual, a particular person whom you met. Ground this promising story even more fully. What do you think?
This is, as I say, promising.
No postwrite?
Talk back time :)
ReplyDeleteI believe you are saying that the draft is clearly written and covers a fairly sober topic.
While the subject matter has been said many times over the years, my experience goes above the common understanding of the cliche.
Thus, I must make sure I convey my conviction and personal understanding, in a way which gives new meaning to the cliche.
By add more specific details and encounters, I can make the experience more tangible to the reader. The story seems real to an extent, but it has more potential.
I think you are spot on. The reason this event impacting me was because of how clearly real it was. Thus, to make my writing effective, I must do my best to replicate these conditions.
I understand your point about discussing a specific person I met, however, due to the language barrier and some safety concerns, I was not able to really engage anyone during our time at the dump.
Overall, I need to enhance what I already have written, by increasing my detail, imagery and using strong words.
Art is not my strong suit, but I am going to attempt to paint a picture.
Thanks for your time; it is appreciated.
-Jake
Thanks for the thoughtful talk back.
ReplyDelete